Erotic massage customers ask the strangest things

a woman answering questions about an asian erotic massage in london

Erotic massage customers ask the strangest things

Woman recieve an erotic massage bookingWhen you think of call centre work, three words probably spring to mind – dull, boring and stressful. However, that has to be quite the opposite of the call centre at Erotic Adult Massage. Our days are wonderfully whacky and are made by our clients asking the weirdest things. It’s hard to whittle down all the strange requests and questions we are subject to on a daily basis, but here are some of the best.

“Are you the masseuse, how much for a massage with you?” When starting on the phone lines being asked if you’re the masseuse can catch you off guard, but after plenty of practice (we do get asked this a lot) your answer becomes second nature. My polite response is “oh no no, I’m just Sheila who takes the bookings” Most clients just laugh this off – but some take it next level. Yes, the call centre girls are often asked “How much for a massage with you?” each call centre worker answers this differently – after all, there’s obviously no regulatory guidelines you need to follow when you’re taking erotic massage bookings. A common reply is “I’m worth more than you’ll ever be able to afford” or a “massage with me is priceless” however, some men seriously want to meet you, even trying to sweet talk you with how much they love your accent and how much you sound like a nice person. (I personally sound like a 12 year old girl, but I’ll save that for another story…) Some even offer to pay your travel costs or ask to visit wherever you are. This is when it gets super weird and you often have no choice but to put the phone down…

At Erotic Adult Massage we are accustomed to clients voicing their questions before booking their session, questions like “how many times can I cum?” “can I touch the girl?” and “will she dress up for me?” are asked daily and are totally fine. However, some requests are just plain WEIRD. A few times I’ve been asked will the girls engage in a golden shower. Is there anything more sexy than urinating all over a hot oriental temptress? Hmm debatable. Funnily enough some of our girls are willing to do it at an extra £50 fee, which I personally think is a bargain – I wouldn’t allow anyone to p**** on me for cheap!

If you thought water-sports was a strange request then things are just about to get a little more bizarre. I was quite flabbergasted when one man asked “will the girl s*** on my chest?” Yes, you heard right – one man wanted a girl to squat on his body while emptying out her bowels… Although all of the masseuses are open-minded, this one was a bit too weird and one we had to turn down.

After reading the last few paragraphs you probably think our clients aren’t fond of visiting the bathroom, but you couldn’t be more wrong. In fact, some of our strangest questions actually involve the loo. One client voiced that he wants to start off his session by watching his masseuse taking a number two on the lavatory. Though slightly weird, the masseuse actually did accommodate his request.

However, the next request was a no brainer but to say no. At Erotic Adult Massage we take lots of outcall bookings at Heathrow airport, where our masseuses are more than happy to visit you in your hotel, suite or apartment. However, one man’s desperation for a massage after checking out his hotel can only be described as NEXT LEVEL. So let’s call the client Steve, Steve was staying at the Hilton at Heathrow Terminal 4 and after confirming his booking, I sent a masseuse on her way to visit him in his room. No more than 15 minutes later I had another call off Steve. “There has been some confusion – I’ve had to leave the hotel, but I can still have the massage in the toilet.” The TOILET? I think I went silent for a good five seconds, as I tried to comprehend what had casually rolled off his tongue. Of course, I ending up sending the masseuse back to the parlour but in the end I did appreciate how much Steve wanted a massage with one of our gorgeous girls – they are wonder workers after all..

All this toilet talk is rather draining – so let’s move on to some more bizarre questions. It seems shaving is a common fetish amongst some of our clients. We’ve had shaving requests for just about every area of the client’s body. “Will the girl shave my feet?” and “can the girl shave my cock and balls?” are probably the weirdest. Since working at Erotic Adult Massage I have never heard of a masseuse refuse a shaving request, just come prepared with shaving foam and a razor and they’re more than happy to do the deed. If you can’t be assed hacking down your bush you know where to come…

One client which stays fresh in mind is one who lacked respect when discussing the full service. “Ewww why would I want to have sex with the girl, I’m not having sex with a prostitute” were exactly his words. I politely ignored his rudeness – each to their own, I suppose. But what was next to come out of his mouth but was enough to make my jaw drop to the floor. “Soooo, if I’m not going to have sex with a girl, can she do me up the arse?” My face probably looked like a picture but I politely composed a response something like “Erm sure mate, bring your own strap-on, bend over and let your lady slide and grind into you.”

It’s usually wrong to leave a post on the bum-note, but when the title is “erotic massage customers asks the funniest things” anything kind of goes. After working at the Erotic Adult Massage call centre for six months I am subject to bizarre requests on a daily basis – though it seems like they can’t get any weirder I am sure the best is next to come. Here’s to the next six months eh…

Do you have a strange request that one of our massuses can handle? Why not take a visit to our erotic massage parlour in London. Or why not have a look at our  asian erotic massage service page for London.We offer both a incall service in Central London and we can offer an erotic massage at heathrow airport, paddington, mayfair and other locations.